Come see our sink grown plant.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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