Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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