I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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