I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
