What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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