hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
