maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize