I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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