I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
