I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
