Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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