all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
