I think I won the penis lottery.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
