can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
