He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
