my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just want nice things and good sex
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
