Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
