OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
