so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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