i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
