Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
