I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
