My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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