Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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