69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
