please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
