Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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