did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
