I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
