Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
