I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Help. Why am I so naked?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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