i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just high enough for therapy.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
