he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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