I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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