im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
