So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
