it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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