Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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