There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize