shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
