I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize