time to smoke my breakfast
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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