I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
