I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize