So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
