I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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