doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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