I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
