I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
