you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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