College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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