I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
