Where did you get a picture of my penis
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
