I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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