I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
