if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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