For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
