Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
