During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
