Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
