You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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