I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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