do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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