I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
