I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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