omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
