dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
