I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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